Hello mamas! Welcome back to The Night Feed. Tonight, I'm sharing my thoughts on New Year fads, taking a social media detox and Christmas TV. Plus I'm sharing your emails and a cautionary tale about how social media tips and hacks can go horribly wrong.
Tonight’s unpaid sponsor is…getting in the shower and forgetting your shampoo and conditioner. Don’t get me wrong it’s usually there isn’t it. But the one time you move it - you can guarantee it’s when you as a mum have ventured into the shower to have an everything shower. To shave, wash your hair, maybe even exfoliate if you’re feeling really indulgent. This happened to me last night.
I stepped in, was enjoying the steamy shower, getting my hair wet because it was an everything shower not a speed shower and looked down to pick up my new shampoo which was of course not there along with my conditioner. In this moment I debated getting out drying off to go and find them but no - I persevered.
I saw a bar of dove soap. I washed my hair with it and used it to shave my legs and do you know what - to all of you shaking your heads in despair. It worked a bloody treat. Dove beauty bar - I used one when we went travelling in south east asia a few yeards ago because we only took a rucksack each that we could carry on the plane to avoid lugging suitcases. So I wasn’t lugging bottles of tiny shampoo in my luggage and opted for a dove beauty bar - well let me twll you - my hair was shiny, my skin was clear and shaving was nice and simple.
I’ve gone off on a tangent but the moral of that story is that if us mums are anything it’s resourceful.
Well hello, welcome back and happy new year. Have we all enjoyed the festive no mans land between Christmas and new year? I hope you have indulged, rested and enjoyed a slower pace of life for a few days. My laundry pile shrunk this week, why I thought, what appears to be wrong here, I’m not battling everest for once I have but a small mound on my hands. Then I realised it’s because we’ve been living in pyjamas and I am finally conquering that pile.
I hope your Christmases as Mums were magical and I hope equally that you are not falling for any new year new me fad diets, fad life changing plans that the media tell us we need to be embracing. Those social media ads start dripping through don;t they from around 26th of December. Like come on guys, at least let us indulge in the Christmas dinner leftovers and our children’s chocolate selection boxes.
Reflections on New Year fads and taking a Social Media Detox
And on this note, as you can tell I’m not one for these new year fads - Veganuary, dry January - I think they set us up to binge come February. However, I am setting myself a different challenge. This Jason took the girls and I had a little lie in. When I woke up I didn’t reach for my phone to do the usual daily waste of 20 minutes on instagram and tiktok. No no - I stopped myself. I thought do you ever feel great after doing that.
Do you really need to know what that family from Arizona got up to last night. Do you really need to cloud your mind with posts that you think you’re consuming passively but really they are negatively affecting your mental health. No. Social medua is a drug. We get the dopamine hit - we get served content that sucks us in and I have realised that social media is using me. And I don’t like it. So as of today I am having a social media detox. I want to see how it affects me - I want to see if it alters how I think and I want to see how productive I am without throwing all that time I spend scrolling away.
And you guys, my lovely listeners are going to keep me in check - I will be reporting back to you next week on how it has made me feel. I will be disappointed if I have to tell you I caved on day 3 but I will be honest.
Full disclosure - Tiktok and Instagram are responsible for the growth of this podcast so I am allowing myself to post on my business account which is the Night Feed but I am not allowed on my personal accounts. And I am also only to go onto these accounts to post and be productive. So there you have it. My social media detox - if you would like to join me on the journey please do! Let me know how you get on - I will be downloading Duolingo for all those times I reach for Instagram - brushing up on my german.
I’d genuinely love to know though if any of you mums try this and how you find it - we can spur eachother on. Email me thenightfeedpodcast@gmail.com.
So whilst in the Christmas no mans land, have we been watching anything good? I know our tvs are dominated by our babies and toddlers in the day but are we managing to indulge in the evening?
I feel like some really great TV and films are dropping at the moment - they hold them back don’t they absolutely nothing in November and December then Christmas goes and BAM all of a sudden there’s too much - a good TV overload if you will.
Is anyone watching Squid Game?
My question is are we watching Squid Game? I am so on the fence about this programme. We’ve been watching series two and I give it to them, they know how to combine comedy and sick needless killing. However, I know I have spoken about this on the podcast before - and I have never been one for guts gore, needless killing etc but since becoming a mum, I really struggle to watch anything with this type of content. My empathy gene has SHOT through the roof! So Squid Game is a hard watch for me at times but I tell you what, the human psychology side of it is compelling. Worth a watch in my opinion.
The dropping fertility rate
Did you know that the Fertility rate in England and Wales is now at an all time low. According to an article I was reading on the BBC, it said Only 591,072 babies were born in 2023, fewer than in any year since 1977 and a fall of more than 14,000 on the previous year.
The average age of new mums and dads has increased to 33.8 for fathers and 30.9 for mothers. I was 31 when I had my first so going off that, bang average for the UK.
While the number of births fell to a record low last year, the number of women of child-bearing age was at its highest ever at 12 million. This meant the total fertility rate in 2023 was the lowest recorded since 1938.
But - Research suggests, external millennials, born up to the mid-1990s, are not having children because of financial pressures, not feeling ready or having not found the right partner. Which I think is the real reason for the low birth rate - I think there are so many women in my age group and the article actually quotes - When researchers looked at the reasons for why, financial and work pressures were often cited for those born in 1989-90. Which is my birth year - I do speak to many mothers who will openly say they’re not having any more because of financial strains or they put off kids because of financial strains.
Plus as I’ve said on here before, we were sold the dream of having a career and kids then we’re getting asked by pensioners at age 25 why we haven’t had kids yet. And now we’re being told the fertility rate is at it’s lowest on record when that is absolutely not in my opinion the leading reason for the low birth rate.
We know about our biological clocks - I hate that phrase, but we know our prime fertility age is around 19 isn’t it. So of course, when we finally make it in our careers and we’re ready to start trying for kids in our 30’s some people will struggle to conceive because of that reason.
It just annoys me that we’re fed this narrative, probably by middle aged men who have no clue what it’s like to walk a mile in our generation’s shoes. No Alan, it’s not because all of a sudden we have a rising infertility rate, it’s because the cost of living has got so ridiculous, even lawyers, doctors, teachers etc are having to put off having kids for financial reasons.
What do you think about this? Am I missing the point? Have you felt the pressures around this - let me know thenightfeedpodcast@gmail.com.
How Social Media Tips can go Horribly Wrong
This is a little PSA for you and a trigger warning this is about a baby almost dying in a dangerous situation. It’s from a post I came across online and this is also another rant at social media. So This couple had taken their 10 week old for a walk, it was pretty windy for context. They had seen a hack on social media where you allow baby to do tummy time in the pram (I have never heard of this) so they placed the Boppy - since googled and that’s one of those breastfeeding pillows) in the pram and let the baby have some tummy time whilst they walk, also allowing him to see out of the pram.
Few minutes pass and her husband takes a look, the baby is producing a lot of saliva, bubbles and is gasping. The mum remembers seeing something about when babies start to struggle breathing they produce saliva so luckily realised the wind was preventing him from breathing and managed to avert a horrendous possibility. Baby was fine and she posted this to remind everyone that social media hacks can be extremely dangerous and if something looks odd it probably is so please be wary! Something could look fun and different but just try to air on the side of caution with this.
Onto the emails we go...
"Charlotte, I need your advice.
I don’t know why I feel weird saying this but at 6 months, my baby has only ever been held when napping. He suffered from colic as a newborn and we just got into our swing by always contact napping. Now 6 months in, I’m seeing all these videos about how baby should nap in their cot in a darkened room and we should be sticking to strict wake windows and I’m feeling like I’m failing.
I also struggle sometimes that I’m not able to get anything done - again, all these mums on instagram seem to get so much done while their baby naps and there’s me sat watching tv or reading.
Do I need to stop this? When will my baby naturally want to sleep in his cot? Help!"
Oh my gosh, doesn't this email just feed into what I said about how social media makes us feel like utter crap? Firstly, you are absolutely not failing on any front, your baby is getting the loveliest nap time on your chest which let’s be honest is where our babies want to be, especially in those early months. Stop looking at things that put you down. If you are happy with the contact naps then ignore anyone or anything else. Personally you know what I think? More of us new mums need to embrace contact napping. It refreshes you, it recharges you and you’re ready for when the baby wakes.
If you do get to a point as he gets older - because I found when mine reached around 9 months they’d sleep for longer stretches - I can’t remember exactly when but maybe from around 1 mine would consolidate their daytime sleep to one two hour nap in the early afternoon. That’s when I would do things because it was such a solid stretch of time but when they're younger I found they’d fall asleep on me after feeding so I was like ok, let’s chill. Nothing wrong with it, you’re doing wonderfully and for goodness sake ignore anything online that makes you feel like you’re doing a bad job. Come on a social media detox with me!
Parenting NYE Fomo
If you had no plans for NYE last night and maybe you felt a bit of FOMO, then rest assured you are not alone - I found this thread online called:
Parents of babies, what are you doing for NYE?
And these are the responses:
Sending husband out, ordering a pizza and watching movies. I'll probably go into the baby's room and hold his hand at midnight.
Turning up the white noise and praying the fireworks don’t wake him up.
Staying at home. Toddler gave me hand foot and mouth 🙃
Spending a quiet evening in. Little one is usually asleep by 7-8. I won’t deviate from her routine because I’m not wanting to evoke toddler tornado mode.
We live right on the edge of Midtown West/Times Square so we’re pretty much locked in lol. Gonna make something at home, drink some bubbles and pray to god the noise isn’t gonna wake up our 14 month old - oh my lord, I thought the fireworks near us were loud but by jove, times square is next level surely.
Staying the fuck in! RSV and norovirus is rampant out in these streets!
Muttering curses under my breath when the fireworks start. - That is what I do now we have kids! Haha I have never hated fireworks so much than when I have two sleeping toddlers!
Social media says
Next tonight is Social Media Says - am I changing the title of this segment to what’s trending? Maybe I will now I’m on my detox.
To further fuel the fire I’m creating against social media tonight, here’s something I saw. A video by a healthcare professional - she’s actually a health visitor here in the UK she said she looked at one of her patient’s facebooks. I think this was the gist, she sort of did a little experiment and from her little peruse on this mum’s Facebook, she found out her child’s age, date of birth, full name, medical history from when she posted about him being in hospital, she founf the name of the daycare he went to and was even able to very quickly work out the room that child slept in within the house.
That’s from a quick look at her profile. Now I’ve said before on here I don’t like posting my kids on social, I talk about them on here but never give their names and only share small anecdotes. But the way we can share on social these days without thinking is pretty chilling. I then started thinking about some of the influencers I follow and just how much I know about their kids - it is shocking when you break it down.
I think when we have a baby, some of us have a natural instinct to want to show them off and share them with the people we know (or don’t know) online. The intentions are pure and it’s done through love and pride. But when you strip things back a bit, maybe there is a hell of a lot of oversharing going on. These kids will have this digital footprint forever whether they like it or not and it is absolutely something to think about if you would consider yourself as a bit of an over-sharer.
Next tonight is my mum self care suggestion
Nice and simple tonight. Get yourself a travel mug for your coffee at home. I Can’t tell you the amount of times I warm up my coffee in the microwave and now I’m pregnant I’m trying to keep it to one cup a day so I love to savour that one cup. Today, I pulled out Jason’s travel mug, and I spent an hour intermittently sipping hot coffee and it was divine. Works for tea too obvs.
Finally to finish on a quote I wrote...
You hear my cry again, Mama. It’s the middle of the night, and you glance at your phone—3:38 a.m. I know I’ve only been asleep for a little while, but I need you.
You lie there for a moment, staring at the ceiling, trying to summon the strength to get up. You’re so tired, so worn down, and I wish I could tell you how much I appreciate you.
But even though your body is aching and your heart feels heavy, you come to me. You always do.
“Mama’s here,” you whisper as you lift me into your arms. I feel the warmth of your skin, the rhythm of your heartbeat, and it soothes me instantly. You sit in the quiet, rocking me gently in our chair, the world outside so still.
As I nurse, I notice the tears slipping down your cheeks. You’re silent, but I feel the weight you’re carrying. You’ve barely had more than a few minutes of sleep tonight, and you’re wondering how much longer you can keep going.
But Mama, can I tell you something?
To me, you’re incredible. You’re the reason I feel safe, loved, and whole. I don’t see the exhaustion in your eyes or the messy hair you think needs fixing. I see the woman who holds my entire world together, even when she feels like she’s falling apart.
You glance down at me as I drift back to sleep, and I see the way you notice how much I’ve grown. My tiny toes now stretch the ends of my romper, the one that once swallowed me whole. My cheeks, round and rosy, press against your chest. My little hand, gripping yours tightly, is stronger than ever.
And it’s all because of you, Mama.
I know this is hard. I know you’re tired and wondering if you’re doing enough. But to me, you’re everything. You’re my comfort, my safety, my whole world.
This season won’t last forever, Mama. One day, these long nights will fade, and I won’t need you in the same way. But I’ll carry your love with me always.
So tonight, as we rock together in the quiet of the night, I want you to know: you’re stronger than you think, and I love you more than you’ll ever know.
Thank you, Mama. For everything. 🤍
Listen to the episode here.
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