Hello Mamas, welcome back to The Night Feed. Tonight, I'm talking Postpartum Disappointment and sharing some 'funniest things you've done while sleep deprived' stories!
Keep your questions, dilemmas and stories coming in to thenightfeedpodcast@gmail.com - I love to hear from you.
Tonight’s unpaid sponsor is…Making a racket when leaving your baby’s room at night. This is no joke. So my 2 and 3 year old need me in the room still while they settle. I have my youngest on my knee and when she’s asleep I lift her into the cot then do my best to make absolutely zero noise.
The other night was different, as I was leaving the bedroom I tripped on the most perfectly placed teddy and then a block of some sort which hurt and there I was almost in slow motion causing the loudest commotion, throwing the bottle at the wall, yelping in pain, landing in an actual heap. And you know the irony, after almost 4 years of tiptoeing out of that room? They slept through it!
A Slow Mum Morning
I’m currently sat here in an empty house recording this. I have my coffee and my dressing gown still on whilst Jason has nipped out and the girls are having a sleepover at their grandparents. So to say I have had a slow morning is an understatement! Isn’t it nice though when you get some time to yourself. To just be.
I started watching a Netflix Drama about the Sisi or Elizabeth the Empress of Austria which is so good. If you’re into history like me, her story is really compelling. I have mentioned on the podcast before that I lived in Vienna for a year whilst au pairing and just fell in love with the city. Well one of my closest friends actually au paired there with me. We had studies history together at university so absolutely drank up the history of that city! Learnt all about Empress Sisi so I’ve been reliving those days watching that this morning. Side note, I got engaged at Schoenbrunn palace in 2020 as it’s my favourite place in the world - the boy did good shall we say!
I digress! Tonight, I’m talking postpartum disappointment and I thought we could then move onto something lighter and have a real laugh - I’ve found another ‘funniest thing you’ve done while sleep deprived thread and it does not disappoint…’
What is Postpartum Disappointment
So I’ve had an email this week entitled Postpartum Disappointment
"Hi Charlotte,
I’m a first time mum to a 8 month old and experienced something I never expected. I’ve had such disappointment about the people who haven’t showed up for me. My parents and in laws have been great but I have lost friends I never thought I would have. Really close ones who just haven’t checked in or really paid any attention to the baby. I have to be the one who reaches out. It’s just sad. I’m sorry I just needed to get this out. I hope I’m not alone in this."
Ahhh, we need to talk so much more about this. I feel like everyone listening to this, pretty much will have experienced this to some extent. It’s so much more common than we think. And because we’re not told about it pre-baby it comes as such a shock. I too have lost close people because of this.
So to help show you this, I found a thread online, and it’s other people sharing their experiences of this just to show you and anyone else listening how common this is.
I’m a dad here…my wife and I definitely experienced this to some degree. There were a few who were good and helpful to us, but I think the majority of the people we thought would be supportive just kinda went radio silent.
Hang in there. You are far from alone!
You are not alone. My husband and I experienced most of our family and friends seemingly forgetting about us. We were in love with our baby girl, but it would have been nice to have more support in the early days. We mostly got photo requests. My dad and stepmom visited a few weeks in and did not even bring a snack-much less a meal! Some grandparents didn’t meet baby for months. It was very disappointing. We think most forget (or don’t know) how hard the first few weeks and months can be.
Same here . I don’t want to hear oh they were never your friends from get go. I lost 90% of my friends group. It’s Lonely it will get better
Cultural difference when it comes to managing postpartum
I don’t recall anyone changing diapers or cooking or helping out, but it truly never occurred to me to expect it. I’m really surprised that others expect that sort of support outside of their SO/coparent. Our general experience sounds very similar to others here, but I think we just had different expectations and therefore weren’t disillusioned by the process. I mean, you’re not alone, you’ve always got a little best friend with you 24/7. Maybe visit a library for Baby Storytime or a similar parent/child class (like swim). Other parents with babies will relate to your new lifestyle a lot better than your “old” friends. And it’s worth mentioning to your doc that you’re having some ppd. Maybe some meds or therapy could help
I think it's very culturally dependent. I'm of Indian descent. It's abnormal to not have family support. Like my mom is staying with me at the moment and had since my daughter was born four weeks ago. My cousins had their mom's with them for a year or two. It's decently common enough. Obviously if a parent has passed or very ill it doesn't happen. But more often than not there's family that come to help.
In India where family are generally in the same village still, you have your cousins and aunts by you to come and cook and clean as well.
The west has such a disconnect with maternity and helping the mom. It's very sad
I know family support happens in other cultures as well, like African and Asian and Latin countries.
So lots of different experiences, interesting about the cultural divide too.
My advice to you is to move forward with the village you have and grow that. You have really supporting parents which is a real blessing, so having that as your foundation build on that with new friends. I always talk about mum friends but they are amazing and do become a solid village. Baby groups, mums and tots, I know you can meet people on Peanut App. I met one of my lovely mum friends at the doctors! We we’re taking our babies in for their first vaccinations in an equally vulnerable moment we bonded and have since grown close and been there for each other and our babies went through similar times.
If anyone else has any more thoughts on this please do share them thenightfeedpodcast@gmail.com
Now it’s time for a bit of a laugh
I found another gem of a forum, what’s the funniest thing you’ve done due to sleep deprivation?
Mine is today I was getting gas and ripped the hose out with my car because I forgot to take It out and close my gas cap. I feel ✨alive✨ They were super cool about It, apparently they are designed for just that.
When the microwave beeped I went “shhhh”
We bought a microwave with a mute option, best choice ever. Now if only there was a mute option for my husband's atomic sneezes
I woke up at 4am to pump one morning, and as I walked downstairs into the dark kitchen, I noticed a flashlight shining through the kitchen window into the house. Without even considering that it could be anything dangerous, I opened the front door and there was a man standing outside. He told me he was a police officer and had a report of a horse running loose, and wanted to know if I owned a horse.
I told him no, and he left. A few minutes later when my brain turned on, I realized what a crazy story that was, and that he was most likely NOT a police officer. And I had just opened the door onto a likely criminal all by myself at 4 in the morning.
I completely blame it on sleep deprivation though. My brain was definitely not turned on.
I’m not even currently sleep deprived and it still took me a minute to register that he wouldn’t be looking through your kitchen window to find a missing horse. That is so scary!!!
5 week old woke in the night. I made up a bottle, put it on the bed side table, changed nappy, wrapped him up and spent the next 30 minutes shushing and rocking him wondering why he wasn't going to sleep... then noticed untouched bottle on the table....
Made a smoothie and put the blender in the fridge before going back upstairs, was left wondering where my smoothie was. It took me 3 hours to find it because I kept forgetting what I was doing
I put a chocolate bar wrapper in my pocket and threw my phone in the bin.
Sprayed my hair with WD-40 just before walking out the door for baby’s well check! The bedroom door had been squeaky waking baby and we used the mini WD-40 and left it in the master bathroom where I also had a mini can of hairspray.
Tried to breastfeed my husband when he fell asleep with his head on my chest lmao.
During a diaper change, decided the diaper had manufacturing defects. "Huh, they didn't put the tabs on the back of this diaper. Oh wow and they also accidentally put tabs on the front! So weird!" And then it hit me
Unknowingly walked a harness a few blocks while the dog ran free ahead of me
I paid for gas and then got in my car to drive away before pumping the gas.
If you have any more of these pleaasee send them in!
Finally to finish on a quote I wrote...
It’s the middle of the night, Mama. You’ve barely slept, and here I am calling for you once more.
It’s not just the feeding I need—there’s the hour that comes after. The gentle pats, the rocking, the soft whispers as you soothe me back to sleep.
You do everything you can to stay awake, even though I know you're exhausted, trying to get me to drift off while you fight to keep your eyes open.
I can feel the tiredness in your body, the ache in your back, the heaviness in your eyes. I see the tears that sometimes slip down your face…
But when I look at you, I don’t notice any of that. I don’t see the sleepless nights or the unbrushed hair. I just see love—pure and comforting.
You have no idea how much peace you bring me right now. The sound of your voice, the warmth of your arms, the way you hold me close. It’s all I need to feel safe again.
These hard nights won’t last forever. One day, these quiet moments we share while the world sleeps will just be memories of our early days together.
So don’t cry, Mama. You’re never alone. We’re in this together. 🤍
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